Sexual Disorders and Problems

Sexual frustration is surely a pretty "thick" term that's slightly hard to get a holdover. It's a term that gets thrown around during general chatter among friends and in the script of your favorite Netflix series. But, the question remains; what does this umbrella term exactly cover? If you're not entirely sure what it means how are you supposed to find out whether or not it's taking a toll on you. Here's a brief guide on everything you need to know about sexual frustration, its early signs, each nook and cranny a sexually frustrated individual usually visits during its course. We’re also going to be reviewing some assumptions and general notions people usually have regarding sexually frustrated individuals. I. Sexual Frustration: The Gist Of The Problem Even though most people might not want to admit it, sexual frustration is pretty common. A lot of people deal with it so it’s about time that talking about this concern becomes normalized. Sexual frustration would probably be quite on the rise as we all might’ve guessed due to social distancing in current times. Before we proceed, you’ve got to realize that there’s nothing wrong with you if you are sexually frustrated. If you’re wondering how does being sexually frustrated feels like? It bears little to no similarity to being perpetually horny. Sexual frustration is categorized by constant feelings of dissatisfaction with one's sex life or libido. One cannot get a medical diagnosis for this sexual concern. Some other emotions experienced by a sexually frustrated individual are; yearning and disappointment. While generally speaking about the reasons behind sexual frustration it’s fair to say that they could be internal or external. Thus, one can make a connection based on their personal history, personality, life changes, and other factors. Although sexual frustration doesn't cause any health-related concerns it can affect your emotional wellbeing in the long run. If you’re sexually frustrated, one way or another it’s affecting the quality of your life. Being in a constant state of dissatisfaction can also affect your relationship with an intimate partner. II. Minor Yet Noticeable Red Flags Indicating Sexual Frustration "Getting laid" is often linked to "Going off the hinges". This correlation might not be totally justifiable but there is some truth to it. When someone hasn't had intercourse in a while they're bound to lose their marbles. There's a noticeable lack of pleasure and this lack of pleasure can induce stress. Especially noting how there haven't been any mood-boosting endorphins in your system for a while; you might overreact to certain things. You can undergo phases where you don't feel the best about yourself. The lack of sexual intimacy with another person may lead you to feel like you're not as appealing as others. Self-esteem issues can be quite the norm. The lack of intimacy might cause you to lash out at the people around you as you'll be struggling to get your point across. For instance, if you're dating someone who feels like they are sexually unsatisfied, they'll constantly bicker with you. This sexual frustration almost builds up a feeling of resentment toward a romantic partner who's unable to get things right. People often report a lack of motivation and carelessness. For instance; not feeling the urge to indulge in something productive, lack of hygiene due to carelessness, etc. Moreover, people who aren’t getting any action on their own will try to live vicariously through other people’s experiences. They’ll indulge in the reading of erotica or online experiences people share regarding their sexual promiscuities. Things can turn worse once sexually frustrated folks start substituting their need to be intimate with something that can actually be worse. For instance; the substitution of sex for food, sleep, social media, alcohol, or drugs. Most of these things serve one purpose; they provide the pleasure you haven’t been able to experience via sex. Indirectly it’s a recipe for disaster and food disorders. Sexually frustrated individuals often find themselves daydreaming about what they're missing out on. If your partner's experiencing similar concerns he/she might start dropping some hints here and there in their conversations. So, it's just better to ask and be upfront if you have some doubts. Perhaps one of the most common signs of sexual frustration is the unhealthy consumption of porn. Pornography helps sexually frustrated people channel the energy they haven’t been able to channel in their real lives. Virtual reality gives these individuals the release they desire from an actual partner. So, that’s a huge red flag if you’ve gone beyond limits in your consumption. Having an orgasm can lift off a heavyweight from the shoulders of a person who has had a tiresome day. It released stress-relieving hormones and creates a generally harmonious aura. As a result, people experience a much better sleep during the night. On the contrary, if you're not getting enough action you'll remain stressed out and indirectly your sleep schedule takes the fall. It's been proven by multiple types of research conducted on sleep quality that an increase in sexual frustration directly impacts your ability to sleep at night. III. Sexual Frustration: 3 Common Causes 1. Past History & Stigmatization One thing that needs to be cleared up about sexual frustration is that; it doesn't only happen when you don't have someone to be sexually intimate with. People can be sexually frustrated as a result of their choice to remain celibate or not have sex. Some people grow up believing that having sex is taboo. So they often disregard the very idea of having premarital sex or any sex at all. They can also hold prejudices against the act of masturbation based on their cultural views of sexual freedom. This is indirectly an act of sexual repression which bears the fruit of sexual frustration. Additionally, any traumatic event in the past can also cause individuals to completely give up sexual intercourse. Individuals in cases like these unintentionally equate having sex with the memories of the past. Maybe a partner in their past was abusive or they have a history of sexual assault in the past. Consequently, having sex with anyone in the present reminds them of what happened in the past and triggers them. The reasons vary from person to person but oftentimes trauma has a huge role to play. 2. Health-Related Barriers The occurrence of sexual intimacy heavily relies on your body. If you're physically and mentally healthy, you're bound to flourish sexually as well. On the contrary, if you're struggling with an illness or disorder that minimizes your chances of performing sexually, you're bound to be frustrated. Some health-related concerns that can diminish the possibility of sex may include an injury to a limb, hormonal imbalance, erectile dysfunctionality as well as mental health issues like anxiety, stress, depression, etc. Most of these issues can decrease your libido that gives rise to sexual frustration but on the contrary, certain situations can increase libido too. Thus when that rise in libido doesn't get answered with an equal response, sexual frustration picks up the pace. Common factors behind this could be the use of opioids, hormonal imbalance, or side effects of certain medicinal drugs. 3. The Unavailability Of A Partner If you cause someone with zero knowledge of this health concern about the cause behind it; their answer would possibly be the unavailability of someone to have sex with. It’s not the case in every situation but it seems like the most common and straightforward answer. The inability to find someone you can explore your sexuality with makes your chances of avoiding sexual frustration slim pickings. Sometimes people can't simply find someone to date because of their picky behavior. Another possibility could be low self-esteem, lack of confidence, or awkwardness in general. Now, the unavailability of a partner doesn’t only mean that you’re not dating someone. It can also mean the physical or emotional unavailability of someone you’re dating or married to. Maybe your partner fails to understand your sexual urges and he/she is emotionally distant. This can increase your chances of experiencing any kind of sexual liberation. Perhaps your partner’s away for a month and not physically present at the moment. The inability to engage in sexual intercourse during that time frame can also cause sexual frustration. In a few cases, the imbalance in libido in each partner plays a huge role. Sometimes a certain partner wants to be intimate more often. Meanwhile, the other partner's quite the opposite. Another common denominator is stress. Maybe you might be undergoing a change of setting, workplace, or relationship status. These small but very essential alterations can impact how your libido shapes up in the future. IV. Sexual Frustration: The Antidote Now that we’ve debated upon the chief culprits and early signs of the problem. It's time to take a deep dive into the solutions. Here are some measures that provide relief to the ones that might be struggling with sexual frustration. Mind you, these measures cater to you regardless of your relationship status. So, single, taken, or hitched folks, there's a remedy for every kind of dry spell. 1. Masturbation Let's address the biggest elephant in the room; self-pleasure. Masturbation is still something that's by far one of the most taboo topics to discuss. People rarely want to admit that they indulge in it, yet at the same time, it's a completely natural phenomenon. Self-pleasure helps you explore the things that you've never understood about your sexual urges. This lack of understanding about your own body, erogenous zones, and orgasms is among the biggest culprits behind sexual frustration. Masturbation or the act of self-pleasure is generally considered taboo due to people's social, traditional, or religious views. The orgasms resulting from the act of self-pleasure can release endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine in your body. These are all-natural mood boosters and the lack of these can give rise to sexual frustration and mental health issues. Needless to say, masturbation can be the biggest antidote to the pent-up frustration people have regarding physical intimacy. Once you know which moves, positions or acts work best on you, you can easily communicate these ideas to your partners. Remember that it’s completely healthy and normal. So, if you experience any guilt or shame you can communicate your concerns with a therapist and work your way out of these looming shadows. 2. Make Sure That You’re Listening To Your Body If you’re not paying attention to your non-sexual bodily functions, your sexual bodily functions will take a toll. For instance; how you respond to hunger pangs, thirst, sleep deprivation can easily impact your sexual wellbeing. When you stop answering your body’s essential needs properly and on time your body stops responding to your needs. Go to extreme measures to make sure that you're cutting down on unlimited amounts of alcohol or nicotine. Additionally, avoid sleep deprivation at all costs, your organs badly rely on a dedicated sleep schedule for normalcy. Furthermore, take your meals on time and eat healthy instead of rushing over to your nearest fast-food chain whenever the need arises. Most of these compulsory needs will determine the lack of inclusion of unusual frustration in your mind and body. You don’t want to be on the edge 24/7 or it’s soon going to start reflecting in your sex life. 3. Exercise and Release When you are struggling with this frustration you are going to find ways to take it out on something. Now a very negative way of dealing with this issue could be taking out your frustration on another person. Thus, some choose to take a turn towards anger as a result of this frustration. On the contrary, a healthy way of removing this issue from its roots could be investing your energy towards exercise. Yes, comical as it might seem working out can help you get rid of the belt sexual frustration that's been rising inside your body and mind. It could be anything as simple as a sweat-inducing AB workout routine or something a bit more intense like jumping ropes, kickboxing, karate, etc. As stated earlier the release of mood-boosting endorphins is quite necessary. Thus working out can also help you release these mood-boosting hormones and aid you in wearing off any kind of stress. Haven't you ever wondered why after a good workout session you feel so relieved? That's the analgesic effect of these happy hormones that lead to happiness or pleasure. 4. Talk, Talk & Talk This proposition is for the ones that are currently dating but still struggle with sexual frustration. It's not odd if you're with someone yet your emotional & sexual needs remain unfulfilled. There are multiple scenarios that can lead you to this problem; the busy schedule of one or both partners, guilt involving the act of sex, shyness in general. Yet, on top of the list of these reasons is the general lack of communication between a couple. It's absolutely reasonable if you possess a much higher sex drive than your partner unless sex addiction's involved. Sometimes one partner's sexual needs seem a little too over the top or bizarre to the other partner. It doesn't mean that your needs or interests in bed are invalid, it just means that you're not communicating what you want properly. That's why we suggest having a heart-to-heart steamy talk session with your partner whenever you get a chance. Talk about the things that commonly turn you on, erogenous zones, or any similar topics to improve your sex life. Furthermore, as stated earlier a large part of this underlying frustration could also have something to do with the lack of fulfillment of emotional needs. So, you can treat emotional concerns the same way you treat sexual ones, simply by talking. 5. Seeking Professional Help Sexual intimacy or sex, in general, are both already very tricky things. Thus when frustration gets involved, matters can get worse without taking any measures. If you are in a loving relationship where any sexual drive-related issues haven't been an issue, you'll find it harder to make your way out. Thus you need the expert advice of a counselor or someone with enough experience in clinical sexology. If you're facing a lack of libido because of a traumatic sexual experience, your therapist can also help you in working your way out of that. The biggest barrier would be opening up to someone in a clinical setting. Most people find it a taboo topic to discuss with close ones let alone a complete stranger who’s your therapist. So you’ve got to prepare yourself, as all is going to be done in a discrete and confidential manner. These counseling sessions with a s/o can solve libido-related xo concerns and make the one struggling with sexual frustration open up. It's an open opportunity to communicate any sexual needs or concerns that remain untouched in your relationship. A sex coach can help you locate the very reason that’s causing sexual frustration so you can diminish it later. The bottom line is, therapy or counseling can cater to you when you and a significant other fail at dealing with the problem on your own. 6. Dance Your Troubles Away Either you can sulk away in a corner of your room due to this built of frustration or charge this energy towards something else. While we're talking about physical activities that provide pleasure and can help you make good use out of this build-up; dancing seems like the right candidate. Whatever appeals to you whether it's salsa, samba, hip hop, jazz, that's not what the chief focus is. Your only focus should be changing the direction of this build-up one way or another when there's no way of getting rid of it sexually. Slow dancing has an additional perk as it allows you the opportunity to open up spiritually and connect to your mind. It also provides a state of Zen to most people which is absolutely necessary if frustration seems to be the culprit destroying the calmness in your life. 7. Alter Your Expectations Some people have a very minimal and restricted idea of sexuality and physical intimacy. That's why when their minimum requirements aren't fulfilled, it leads to frustration. Shift your perspective on how you view sexual intimacy and expand it a little bit. No one's asking you to go through a lifestyle change. You've just got to stop limiting yourself to good old fashion intercourse and explore other ways to let your urges thrive. A good mindset change in this regard also involves believing that you don’t need anyone else for sexual fulfillment. Even if you don’t have someone, you can fulfill your desires instead of letting sexual repression take over. 8. Invest Some Time On Entertainment Sometimes all you need is a good night out with the girls to take the edge off. Go out to your favorite club on the weekends and dance the night away. What can relieve stress as amazingly as the happy time you spend with the people you love. It can also change the scenery for a quick minute if you’ve been stuck at home in your own misery for a long time. A little shift of focus can also release your mind from the constraints of worrying. Experiment with new things that can rejuvenate your sex life. Try experimenting things with new partners if you’re single. Final Words The desire for pleasure has been instilled in us since birth. Thus, it's self-explanatory why the lack of this pleasure can mess things up so rapidly. Everyone needs to put in the same effort in communicating sexual concerns as they put on while talking about other essential things with a romantic partner. Although therapy and counseling can help you locate the root cause of issues, it's your job to work your way out by investing some energy into the matter at hand. The biggest takeaway from this article is that; sexual frustration is equally linked to sexual urges as much as emotional ones

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