We all have privacy. Sometimes we discuss our personal problems with a friend or any trustworthy family member, but it is not always easy to talk about your sex-related problems. We do not even share our sex-related problems with our psychiatrist.
Sometimes we also deal with aggressive sex but we do not talk about it with the person who has the knowledge and can help you with it. It is very important to talk about sex-related problems with a specialist. It is always better to talk rather than keep it and face major problems.
Before we talk about aggressive sex, we should actually talk about what aggression is?
What is aggressive in Psychology?
In Psychology, the term aggression indicates a range of behaviors that can result in both psychological and physical harm to yourself, others, or other objects in the environment. This kind of behavior centers on harming another person either mentally or physically.
There are three types of aggression.:
Verbal and Physical aggression.
Hostility.
Aggression can break human relationships.
Aggressive behavior can root physical and emotional harm to others. It may range from physical abuse to verbal abuse. It can also include harming personal property. Aggressive behavior can violate social boundaries.
Aggression is all about causing harm, but humans are so compound that it doesn’t have to be physical harm; it can be emotional or psychological. It can also affect your mental health. You can feel irritated and mentally disturbed if your partner is aggressive in sex.
Aggression in Women:
Women are likely to engage in more indirect forms of aggression than other kinds of aggression. In laboratory studies, women tend to be less aggressive than men, but inducement reduced this difference. In the real world, women are likely to aggress against their romantic partner as men are, but men can cause more serious physical and psychological harm. A very small group of women are also sexually violent. Women are permitting to alcohol-related aggression, but this kind of aggression may be limited to women high in quality aggression. Fear of getting harmed is a strong inhibitor of direct aggression in women. Testosterone shows the same small and positive relationship with aggression in women as in men.
Aggression is a complex social behavior with many sources and expressions. Over the past few decades, scholars have recognized the many forms that aggression can take. Aggression can be physical (slapping), or verbal (shouting abuse). It can be directly in nature or indirect with aim of imposing reputational harm.
Aggression can be spontaneous, extracted by anger in response to inducement or it can be pre-planned, less emotional, and used as a means to obtain some other end. Physically extreme aggression is referred to as violence. In spite of their apparently different surface characteristics, these abstracts of aggression all conform to the scholarly definition of aggression as behavior considered to cause harm to someone who is motivated to ignore that harm.
Sexual aggression is essentially accomplished by males. Nonetheless, a very small group of women are sexually aggressive. There is comparatively little understanding of why some women commit sexual aggression. Theoretical development should be the priority for this area.
Many prenatal and postnatal influences heighten the risk for aggression later in life, but most do not differentiate between males and females. Of the risk aspects reviewed here, the most evidence for sex-dependent effects is for postnatal maternal depression, prenatal maternal malnourishment, and prenatal exposure to alcohol and drugs.
Social Norms: Are sexually aggressive men more likely to mistake other men’s sexual desires and behaviors?
Sexually aggressive men dramatized the desirability of these traditional masculinity scenarios to a greater scope than non-aggressive peers. Findings suggest that interference that provides exact knowledge about social norms, or typical sexual desires and behaviors between other men may decrease pressure to live up to recognized but may be inaccurate masculine ideals as well as lessen social norm-related risks for sexually aggressive behavior.
A guide to rough and aggressive sex:
In general, “rough sex is any sexual relationship that is more physically aggressive and possibly physically dangerous.”
But everything is subjective and what may be aggressive to one person is not aggressive to another. So, anything from a smashed mouth makes out or compatible pounding from behind a full-blown BDSM punishment scene can count as aggressive sex, so long as it is consistent.
If it is consistent, it is not sex, it is assault.
Also, important to note that rough sex does not have to include any physical pain or stiffness.
Even sexting in real life or through phone dirty talk and the kind of porn you watch qualify something as aggressive.
So, as you understand the risk of the acts you are engaging in, and you are taking the proper precautions, and you are ensuring any other person who involved is, too, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Authorization is an ongoing, enthusiastic agreement between all the people engage in sexual activity. It can be reversed at any time. If you’re not sure if it is 100% a yes, it is a no.
Identify and establish your limits:
It may not need to be said but there is a great difference between having a partner push you up against a wall and hit you hard and having your partner tie you with a bed and whip you until your welts say their name.
Since “rough sex” can mean, like a trillion different things you have to find out what rough things you want to try!
There is a way to do that. Make a yes or no list.
Make a list of sexual terms from Scarleteen, then write all of them into a yes, no or maybe column:
Things you want to do or try sexually go into the “yes” column.
Things you want to try with more investigation or research and under the right circumstances, go into the “maybe” column.
Things that you don’t want to do, and they are outside of your comfort zone or triggering you, go into the “no” column.
Keep your partner in your mind for all this roughhousing? You each should make one of these lists individually and one as a couple.
In the moment:
The things that make us salivate when we see them in porn may not be as enjoyable as in real life. That means you and your partner may have crafted a scene around something you are just not in real life. And that is OK!
That is the reason communicating with your partner throughout the scene is very important.
Here are some questions you can ask:
Do you want to take a break to relax?
Do you think you are able to continue?
Is it what you imagined it would be?
Does this feel good?
What do you need or want right now?
Checking in your partner goes beyond just what they say, it also means reading their nonverbal cues. Remember that there is the infinite time! Don’t feel like it is your only opportunity to get have this kind of great sex. There will be more.
Stop when you need to stop and don’t be in a rush to get things done and tick off a rough sex box.
Before you want to do it again, talk to your partner. You need to talk about it! Don’t just think that you are on the same page they want it to rustle and tussle the same way again, too.
Either if your partner says that they want rough sex, and if they are too drunk and high to carefully consent to the action you run the risk of your actions being considered nonconsensual.
The variety of rough sex is as unique and varied as all the rough rompers themselves! So, there are still some Qs about the sex acts and scenes that you want to try.
Go to sex parties, chatting up with your kinky friends, hiring a sex worker, and exploring online communities is a good place to start.
Here is a guide to aggressive sex:
If you are dealing with a partner who is aggressive in sex and you are done dealing with him/her, here are some ways that can make love-making an enjoyable act instead of an unpleasant intimate session. Also, expert shares the way to deal with a sexually aggressive partner:
Indulge in conversation: If a person is sexually aggressive, he/she knows no boundaries when it comes to dirty talking. And it is absolutely up to you that how you want to change these provocative conversations into healthy discussions during sexual moments. It is a good way to put their sex drive at rest y indulging in more of conversations that lead to creating a comfort zone during sex.
Make the most of foreplay: The easiest way to control your partner’s soaring sex drive is to give them a sense of satisfaction which actually includes hugging, cuddling, and all that.
Don’t repel much in bed: Always remember that aggression in bed gets reflected in your partner. And a partner who is sex-driven will not appreciate any obstruction and interruption. A person who is sexually aggressive always tells his/her partner what they like, and how to achieve it. So, try to maintain your calm and let the passion build on its own.
Try to reverse role: It is usually believed that initiating sex in bed is male entitlement and this automatically makes them sexually aggressive. But if a woman tries to assume charge on a specific night, the male partner is also likely to feel the same level of interests from her end and that’s why he will not be too demanding in his moves.
Do not feel shy to share your fantasies: Talking about sexual fantasies might not be a regular practice in between partners. But if they express their sexual desires with greater ease, there will be more of pleasure and less aggression.
These are the tips and guides we can use if we are facing this problem. If your partner is aggressive in sex or if you are aggressive in sex and looking for a guide, you can use these tips or you can further consult with a psychiatrist or relationship advisor. But do not try to avoid this problem. Discuss it with a specialist as soon as possible.
