Compassion Counseling: Why Do Some People Lack Compassion?

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 Think before you leap because once words escape your mouth you can’t take them back. In today’s day and age when everyone’s struggling to make ends meet, everyone’s patience seems on edge. One bad interaction can set you off at any moment but some of us can still find the power to show compassion.

Compassion is what makes us humans and what adds color to this colorless life. This very emotion has the power to engage you with strangers in mysterious ways. The meaning of compassion is quite aligned with the meaning of empathy. Possessing compassion makes it possible for you to understand and process the feelings of others.

Compassion is the very reason why you can feel awful for the underprivileged and find the urge to lend a helpful hand. Consequently, compassion counseling is meant for those that lack compassion. Yes, some people do lack the motivation to relieve others’ suffering. Here’s more on compassion counseling and why there’s a need for it;

Why Do Some People Lack Compassion?

Lack of Emotional Intelligence

The circumstances one grows up in, tend to decide the future one’s going to have. The way your parents interact, how love is perceived in a household and how positive one’s domestic environment is are all very important factors. Children tend to notice the behavioral antics adults around them show and then emulate these antics their entire life.

So, in a house where emotions aren’t expressed healthily, children rarely grow up with emotional intelligence. For instance; being raised by someone who openly professes his affection for you is a perk compared to growing up in a household where shame is associated with expressing emotions.

Thus, some people simply tend to lack compassion and don’t show a hint of empathy because they have never seen it done before. It’s a long-running cycle of generations who are emulating the behavior of previous generations. So, if you have never seen a parent or adult in your life show compassion, you probably never learned how to express it as normally as others.

The Presence Of A Tumultuous Life

You can never know what fate has in store for you. As someone who’s been struck by poverty the added trouble of an illness can make life even more tumultuous. Even for an extremely privileged individual, the grief caused by the deaths of so many friends or relatives can make life unbearable. For some people, life tends to play these scary games at an alarmingly high rate. Dealing with one issue after another can simply break your soul and run your hopes to the ground.

Someone who has been broken down by these unfavorable instances so many times is highly likely of becoming emotionally numb. If you have previously experienced grief in every form you might not perceive someone else’s circumstances as worthy of compassion. What happened to you in the past will always one-up the current situation faced by someone you know. That is not the case for everyone because some people become more compassionate after tackling troubles of their own. But, there is a large number of people who are the exact opposite and process their issues differently.

An Undiagnosed Personality Disorder

Having an undiagnosed personality disorder could be the most substantial reason behind the lack of compassion in someone. A narcissistic personality disorder is a great example of this case. A narcissist believes that the world revolves around them. Consequently, they’ll go to any extent just to gather praise and one-up others. Their actions reek of arrogance and they rarely pay heed to the ones they’re hurting in the long run. Additionally, people on the autism spectrum often report a lack of compassion.

They Need To Maintain A Tough Exterior

This is very much relevant to the second point. Some people usually have a much harder life than others. They could very easily lose their faith in people after being cheated by a romantic partner or a business partner they considered to be a friend. The bottom line is, that it’s very easy to lose faith and emotional connection with the people around you. Some people use this emotionally numbing behavior as a coping mechanism to maintain their sanity.

After being stabbed multiple times in the back by their trusted companions their mind tricks them into believing that perhaps emotionally numbing themselves would prove fruitful. This is a nihilistic view of life that motivates them into viewing everyone else in an uncompassionate manner. So, your partner’s uncompassionate behavior towards others could very easily be a shield they’ve made to cope with future troubles.

Lack Of A Moral Compass

Believe it or not, some people simply lack a moral compass. This particular statement seems very fitting for those criminals and corrupt politicians that are locating life through their rose-colored lenses. Not having a moral compass allows them the opportunity to do hideous things without feeling any sympathy or compassion for the ones being negatively affected by their actions.

Those who don’t have any compassion could very easily also have a nihilistic view of life. Consequently, they don’t really respect the morality lessons our society believes and runs on. To them, everything is fair until its benefiting them.

Opportunistic Intentions

Chant this line to yourself so you can memorize this once and for all; you are not their priority anymore. The reason why your so-called best friend seems to lack compassion for you now is simply that you are not a priority for them anymore. It’s a straightforward answer that seems harder to digest.

Sometimes our brains simply can’t comprehend the fact that some people only view certain relationships as a road to something even bigger. If someone isn’t seeming as compassionate as he/she once was then they surely had opportunistic intentions when it came to you. Thus, you simply can’t do anything about that except move on because it’s almost impossible to alter their opportunistic nature.

7 Signs You or Some You Know Needs Compassion Counseling

Reservations Against “Giving”

Someone who lacks the emotional range to understand people close to them would surely seem worse when it comes to strangers. Thus a good way of spotting an individual who lacks compassion is by noticing how they view the concept of charity or “giving” in general.

A friend who refuses to tip the servers at a restaurant and would rather engage in discourse against it is not a kind person at all. An individual of this sort would be shocked at the thought of giving away stuff to local goodwill. That’s not because they’re a miser but the reason behind this is their lack of compassion for the underprivileged.

Inability To Read The Room

Lacking compassion often makes you seem like an arrogant person who has little to no respect for someone else’s feelings. When you take away the ability to be empathetic, it takes away the ability to read the room. Without having any regard for someone else’s emotions and pain, an individual of this sort might try poking insensitive jokes.

They won’t shy away from mocking someone else by publically embarrassing them. One can expect to hear rape jokes, jokes about race, and casual racism from them. Their tone reeks of privilege because of their inability to notice your discomfort and how these jokes just aren’t enjoyable for someone who’s in pain

Refusal To Accept The Blame

Another sign of lacking compassion for others is the inability to accept your mistake. Living with a sibling who refuses to accept the blame for an evident mistake can easily train you for any future encounters with uncompassionate people. Despite seeing you live without the closure you need to move on, and an uncompassionate individual will not try to make amends.

It’s quite simply impossible for them to understand why on earth you are being so “sensitive” about something that seems so petty to them. Additionally, they’ll refuse to accept that you might be hurting because of something they were obviously responsible for doing.

Lacking The ‘Presence’ They Desire From Others

As humans, we all have certain expectations from the people close to us. We expect our parents, siblings, friends, and partners to be emotionally present in our lives. There are certain highs and lows in life when even a few kind words from them can help us survive the day. Yet, expecting even such minor things from an uncompassionate individual is a big mistake.

If your partner lacks compassion he’ll fail at understanding why he must reciprocate the affection you give him. An individual like this loves moaning about how he/she is underappreciated. Yet, he/she lacks the emotional intelligence to return the kindness that’s being sent their way.

Overly Critical Nature

Pointing out someone else’s lackings, in a public setting is a recipe for disaster. A compassionate individual would rather stay mum about things like these. Even if it’s impossible to stay quiet, they can show their empathetic side by giving constructive criticism in a private setting. On the contrary, a friend who criticizes your appearance, your choice of clothing, or anything out of the ordinary is surely someone in need of compassion counseling.

They’re Always Beefing With Others

Lack of compassion renders you unable to understand why fighting over petty issues is so fool-some. A person who lacks compassion is rarely on good terms with the people around them. Their lack of respect for someone else’s feelings can very easily turn them into a bad friend, a bad son/daughter, and a bad colleague. You’ll find them complaining about the hostility they face from everyone but in reality, they are the ones that need to alter the way they interact with people.

Disastrous Love Life

How could someone who lacks emotion be as important as / be in a loving relationship? The chances of them running their happiness to the ground are very much high. Their inability to understand the emotional needs of their significant other can triggers so many arguments. Ultimately their inability to understand what they did wrong or to respect the emotional needs of their partner would possibly lead to the end of a relationship. A huge red flag for uncompassionate individuals is their inability to stay mingled for long. You’ll always find them on the lookout for a new partner or with someone new every time you run into them.

Why Is Seeking Compassion Counseling Necessary?

The lack or presence of compassion in your nature serves a concrete purpose in your life. Not only is it ethically and morally necessary, but it can also take a toll on so many parts of your life. Consequently, attending compassion counseling turns into quite a necessity if you’re not being kind to others or yourself. Here are some notable reasons that are worthy of your attention;

  • Attending counseling to relearn compassion can help you harbor much healthier relationships. Whether romantic or non-romantic these bonds would be much stronger because you’ll be much more positively responsive in any context. Lack of emotional connection can cause great distress in your life as loneliness gives birth to so many other issues.
  • Relearning compassion from scratch can save you from public humiliation. The next time you show a lack of empathy in a public or private setting could be the last time you’ll be deemed fit for such events. Thus, attending counseling and working on yourself can save you from embarrassing yourself in the future.
  • Even in official settings, you have to maintain a certain demeanor. No one expects you to act super affectionate with co-workers. Yet, the maintenance of a healthy work environment demands that you are kinder to your employees or colleagues. You’ll be at high risk of facing the wrath of HR if your insensitive jokes continue. Additionally, harboring positive relationships with your colleagues only increases the chances of securing a favorable spot in their books and a brighter future.
Final Words

The one takeaway that you should extract from this article is how necessary it is to be sympathetic and understanding nowadays. Additionally, you must realize that you’re not responsible for how an uncompassionate person perceives you. Show yourself the kindness you’ve been showing towards them by drawing some boundaries. When conversations fail to make a positive impression on them, you must put yourself first and bid adieu!









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