Sometimes it’s just you against the world and sometimes this is merely an assumption your brain’s coercing you to make. Perhaps you’re right, the new family that moved next door really dislikes you. Moreover, the mailman that delivers packages to you every day might also be someone who simply can’t stand you. Might we add your boss and colleagues to this long list of people that don’t seem to appreciate you that well? You see, it’s a simple pattern that has now become a part of your cognitive abilities. No matter how hard you try you can’t jerk it off.
Now, the question remains unanswered; what could possibly force you into wondering why does everyone hates me? Don’t worry we’re here to answer all similar queries for you. Here are some reasons why you’re particularly worried about the fact that no one around you can stand you!
7 Reasons Why Some People Believe That No One Can Stand Them
Inability To Adapt
Not all of us love new beginnings. Some people love the fact that they’ll get to move into a new place, join a new school, or work at a new official space simply because of the newness it brings to their life. On the contrary, some people despise the very idea of getting involved in something new. The reason behind this is the awkwardness that comes with adapting to a new environment.
You get to meet new people and develop new bonds. This particular process can be pretty difficult for some people and they might believe that everyone despises them for a particular reason. It takes time to get to know someone and develop friendly relations. Yet, your ability to easily spot the negative aspects in everything will stop you from understanding this. Thus you’re more likely to pin the blame for people’s reservations towards you on a particularly bad trait of yours.
Low Self Esteem
Having little to no belief in your abilities and struggling with low confidence can be some of the biggest reasons why you think everyone can’t stand you. As a person with low esteem, one can constantly be on the very edge. One might find themselves going overboard to make sure that no one around you feels offended.
It can also amp up your people-pleasing antics as you simply don’t think much of yourself. Additionally, your tendency to hate things about your personality, body or other abilities might make you believe that people simply don’t want to be around you.
This phenomenon can be further elaborated on with an example. If a colleague of yours doesn’t talk to you as much as another colleague, you might blame your not-so-appealing appearance for that reason. In actuality, the reason behind that could be the fact that colleague number 1 has known colleague number 2 far longer than he has known you. Thus they’re more friendly as compared to you and the former.
People-pleasing Nature
Being raised in a certain manner can instill healthy or unhealthy habits in anyone. One of these many habits can be a people-pleasing nature that a lot of people possess. Their urgent and always functioning need to appeal to everyone around them coerces them into performing certain actions. These actions are am evidence of their constant need for either affection or attention. It’s pretty obvious why someone who constantly desires the spotlight might feel like people don’t like them. When their actions don’t seem to work that well on a certain someone, they can be slightly more sensitive to this.
Negative Bias
As humans, we’re inherently designed in a way that coerces us into focusing on the negative aspects of something much more than the positives. Scientists regard evolution as the originating factor behind this negative bias we all have. Our ancestors were always suspicious about danger even in the most decent circumstances due to their inherent need for survival.
Thus, we’ve all inherited this very trait, and now some of us tend to possess it with much more intensity than others. For instance, someone who tends to always focus on the negative aspects will focus on the two occasions your conversation with them turned sour as compared to the 10 other lofty occasions.
The All Or Nothing Phenomenon
This is a type of cognitive distortion that disrupts people’s ability to accept partiality. It’s a common habit among people struggling with anxiety and similar mental ailments. An individual struggling with this condition tend to divide every matter into binary states of black or white. Hence there’s no space for what if, maybe, or perhaps. The entire matter turns into a situation where either the odds are in their favor or they’re simply not. People’s upbringing or the way they’ve been brought up can play a huge role in the development of this negative thinking pattern.
Personality Disorders
An undiagnosed personality disorder can be the reason why you can’t help wondering that “maybe everyone hates me”. Personality disorders can often amp up your levels of paranoia and make you highly suspicious of the people around you. When you’re extra paranoid it’s highly likely that you’re over-assume and over-generalize even the simplest things. Furthermore, you’re more likely to be less flexible to things that don’t go the way you desired them.
Needless Personalization & Catastrophizing
Certain individuals tend to be more emotionally sensitive and this habit reflects through their behavior as well. Their needless ability to personalize every matter hurts them way more than it should’ve. Furthermore, this negative habit of personalization can lead to catastrophizing. Catastrophizing matters means blowing minor things so out of proportion until they turn extremely destructive.
For instance; if a friend cancels on a planned lunch, any person who lacks a cognitive distortion like this might digest the change of plans much more easily. Meanwhile, someone who tends to take things more personally might believe that their friend simply doesn’t like to hang out with them, hence finding reasons to bail.
Dead Giveaways, Red Flags & Some Easily Spottable Signs
Seclusion
Simply enough, when you feel like everyone around you despises you you’re less likely to socialize. People that assume everyone dislikes them tend to be loners. You’ve had your fair share of interactions with people and they’ve always made you feel like less of a person. Thus you might feel like it’s better to be alone on your own. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying your own company every once in a while. Yet, when it turns into a habit that someone can’t function without, it can be regarded as a huge red flag.
Trust Issues
The assumption that everyone hates you, might make you feel extra unsafe and amp up your trust issues. Someone who feels like everyone hates them might not even rely on others for even the smallest favors. Such individuals categorize themselves as a one-man army. Thus they tend to work things out on their own, don’t share their secrets even with the people they’ve known for quite a well, and are very secretive in general. Another big giveaway is their reluctance to show emotions in front of others even when they’re extremely choked up. The fear of appearing emotionally weak in front of someone who hates them stops them from letting things out in the open.
Lack Of Self Love / Body Image Issues
One way or another individuals like these can easily find faults in themselves. This ability to easily spot personal flaws makes them much more likely to pin the blame for someone’s dislike towards them. For instance; someone with body image issues is much more likely to assume that a prospective date might not like them based on a physical trait they hate. Furthermore, another solid giveaway is that people like this tend to be less confident in various sectors of life and might not have the courage to stand up for themselves fearing the worst.
Suspicion
As we’ve discussed earlier someone who’s always under the assumption of being hated by others can spot the negative aspects much more than the positives. So even a situation where someone does something good for them might make them suspicious. As they feel like they’re everyone’s least favorite person, he/she might go overboard and assume that this good thing is a bad omen for something else. Being suspicious can be a huge giveaway if you know someone who tends to get a little investigative about some of the simplest things.
3 Essential Coping Strategies You Need To Practice
Communicate & Speak Your Heart Out
Communication can do wonders when it’s done at the right time and in the right space. Giving non-verbal cues to an apparently not-so-nice classmate, family member, boss, or colleague is simply not enough. If you’re assuming the fact that a certain someone doesn’t like you and it continues to bother you, just talk to them.
It might seem like going a bit overboard but being obsessed with this topic 24/7 can affect you mentally. Communicating with that particular person regarding how you feel or how they make you feel can sort the matter out. Get your point across by telling them why you seem to believe that they hate you. It could be a particular response or action at their disposal which made you believe that they don’t like you.
Creating dialogue can help in giving you a better look at what’s actually real and what’s not. Perhaps talking to them can make you realize that what you believe is simply an over-assumption. Maybe the reason why that particular person doesn’t seem to be that talkative with you is because of social anxiety. The reason behind their unusual responses to you could be their introversive nature, a personal problem they’re dealing with or they were simply having a bad day.
Be A Little More Realistic
There’s a set of things that you can alter, shape up in every way, and change in your favor. On the contrary, there are some things that you simply don’t have any control over sometimes. One of these many things is a few people’s views and feelings regarding you. Your happy-go-lucky, supportive and jolly nature might land you in a few people’s good books.
It’s easy for them to realize that you’re a good person who needs to be appreciated. Yet, on the other hand, some people might just never invite you to the cookout no matter how great of a person you are. If you’re absolutely sure that someone despises you, then there’s only one thing that can be done. Walk away with grace and focus on what’s actually important; your sanity. You have no control over what others believe so trying to get their thoughts diverted can only cause you more trouble. Gain insight into this problem more deeply.
Maybe that person despises you for no reason at all. You can’t make yourself the culprit in that situation even though your people-pleasing nature might make you want to believe that you did something wrong.
Professional Help
If you notice the signs mentioned above and are constantly bothered by your over-focus on people’s views, talk to someone. Seeking professional help can help you diagnose a personality disorder that might be amping up your assumptions regarding what people think of you. Additionally, therapy and proper counseling can be even helpful if the root cause behind all this is anything traumatic that happened in the past.
People struggling with un-copious amounts of anxiety, lack of self-esteem can discover more ways to cope with their conditions. Consequently, learning what was the actual culprit behind their overgeneralization on things.
Final Words
Spotting your negative thinking patterns right in the act might be the next big step you can take right now. Whenever you find yourself jumping into a loophole of worrying about others’ views about you, divert your attention. Apart from seeking professional help, find a hobby that fuels your soul like no other. It’s a coping mechanism that not only makes you feel empowered but also blesses you with a sense of achievement. Sometimes, these are the only two things one needs to escape the negativity.
