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An intimate relationship runs on certain tools. So, you’re bound to wonder following which relationship rules can ensure the longevity of an interpersonal bond? You can’t really expect anything less than constant ups and downs while dealing with an intimate partner. But, what you can actually do is prepare in advance to avoid facing the worse conclusions. Haven’t we all established that every relationship’s different? Of course, that’s the case but some textbook guidelines can keep a boat floating even through tremendous tides. Here are 8 relationship rules that ensure romantic bliss among significant others. These rules are easy to follow if you and your significant other are on the same page. Let’s take a look;
1. Invalidation’s Out Of Question
Coming to terms with your partner’s point of view is a very hard process. Couples usually don’t see eye to eye on a lot of issues and interpersonal dealings. It could be something as trivial as choosing décor for a shared apartment or something as huge as starting a family together. The bottom line is that you can’t change someone else, but you can learn how to respect their choice of opinions. Considering someone else’s POVs as invalid, automatically makes you a villain in their eyes. This can lead to further resentment. As a result, your relationship turns sour pretty quickly. It also initiates the process of psychological distress.
Invalidating your partner’s views, concerns, emotional needs is the last thing you’d want to do if you want to see your relationship flourish. We’ve all heard that opposites attract, so if you’re willing to stay with someone who’s quite the opposite. You’ll first have to learn, that not everyone’s going to see the world the way you see it. It can be immensely difficult to adjust to your s/o’s likings but what people don’t understand is that; successful relationships don’t require sacrifices as much as they require validation. Both parties should be provided equal chances to address their grievances in every case. Make sure that your partner feels like he/she is being heard. If you feel like your feelings are being invalidated somehow, try to communicate these concerns so your partner can learn how to overcome them.
2. Don’t Fall For The Silent Strategy
Usually when you’re mad at someone you tend to shout at them, get angry, or use verbal means to let your turmoil reflect. But, there’s an even worse way to inflict turmoil over someone. Yes, we’re referring to the silent treatment. A complete communication breakdown usually tends to become a little too hard to handle, especially when inflicting it on a significant other. You’re willingly placing your partner under mental anguish. So, how will they ever understand their mistake and come up with an apology while they’re under distress? There’s a lot of resentment at hand and zero means to tackle that resentment. That is an unhealthy behavioral pattern because;
- It creates emotional distance
- It reduces the space for meaningful communication
- It increases meaningless assumptions
So, instead of limiting the chances of creating a solution; talk your way out of things. Sometimes it’s better to leave the room and walkway in the middle of an argument. Of course, you don’t want to make matters worse by continuing an argument. But, don’t leave things hanging by going to bed with an unresolved conflict. In those sorts of situations, you can opt for s simple break. Using statements like “I can’t talk to you right now, but we will definitely sort this out later” can surely cool things down for a quick minute. Maturity demands that you and your partner sort things out like adults. Thus you must always opt for communication over the so-called silent treatment.
3. Team Work Makes The Dream Work
“I’ve got your back”, are the four words that can make any situation bearable. When you’re romantically involved with someone, your probably going to spend quite a significant amount of your time with them. Consequently, in ideal situations that particular person becomes equally involved in your sorrowful and happy moments. Abandoning your partner under bad circumstances can damage your relationship beyond repair. If there’s financial, emotional, or psychological distress at hand, your partner deserves your emotional understanding and support at the very least. Of course, you should be willing to walk away if something seems to be getting at odds with your mental or physical wellbeing. But if that’s not the case, holding your partner’s hand and facing the issues like a team can strengthen your bond in the long run.
Working as a team also lessens the load off the shoulders of a single partner. If you’ve both moved in together, try to incorporate activities that can divide responsibilities between both partners. For example; couples that share an apartment can divide financial responsibilities and bills. In this way, you’re both working as a team, and none feels like they’re being taken advantage of. Teamwork also improves and opens the course of interpersonal communication. You’ll be talking more often on various issues and will be much more aware of each other stances. Teamwork becomes even more essential when you and your partner are either co-workers or sharing a business. At the end of the day, you’re both ethically responsible for looking out for each other.
4. Establish Some Boundaries At The Beginning
When you’re at the talking stage of your relationship, things usually proceed at a gradual pace. You’re in the process of discovering some initial things about your partner. Thus, it’s the right time to set all your cards on the table and hope for the best. Needless to say, if you’re going to hide things to increase the chances of long-term intimacy, it will backfire pretty soon. You’ve got to be open about the things you desire from a possible relationship and your significant other. Let your partner know;
- If there are any intimate boundaries you want to establish
- Are there any expectations you deem important when it comes to a romantic partner
- If there are any possible turn-offs that you simply won’t skip over
Establishing boundaries at the beginning is a significant step in a relationship. It ensures that you won’t be having any quarrels regarding these topics in the future. Furthermore, once you’ve mutually agreed on a choice right at the beginning, you’ll be more mentally satisfied with your partner. Additionally, discussing things right at the beginning lets you know whether or not you actually want to establish a long-term relationship with your partner or not. If it’s the latter, then none of the people involved in the relationship would have to sacrifice their belief systems and they can part ways on a good note.
5. Settle Matters Without Bringing Up Scores
As mean as it may seem this is a behavior that most of us exhibit. We hold things against people even after the matter has been sorted. Needless to say, this is the kind of extremely unhealthy behavior that often goes unnoticed. Perhaps an argument is never resolved until you learn how to forgive and forget at the same time. The moment you reconcile with your partner, the matter’s laid to rest. Picking up that argument to lay scores against your partners during the next argument will only make matters worse. It builds your image as a petty individual who’ll go to any extent to win an argument. Remember, your purpose is to resolve a resolvable matter instead of winning an argument.
6. Don’t Let Nitpicking and Criticism Land You In Hot Water
Endless nitpicking can make many close relationships estranged. But its impact is even worse and swifter on intimate relationships. You and your partner share an intimate bond like no other. So, you’ll always have an understandable level of frankness between each other. Things can surely start going south when one individual starts using this freedom to pinpoint faults in the other person. Now, there are ways to make your criticism valid.
Constructive criticism is actually really appreciated by most sane-minded individuals. On the contrary, meaningless nitpicking only leads to endless bickering and resentment. At the end of the day, your partner will start pointing the same metaphorical gun towards you that you used to point towards them. So, even while you’re both in the middle of an argument avoid using any of your partner’s complexes or triggers to put them down. If you’re willing to maintain the sanctity of an intimate bond then;
- You’ve got to remain more careful with your words. Even if constructive criticism is required in a situation, learn how to address the argument in a digestible manner.
- Your take on things should be cooperative instead of being defensive. Let’s assume; Your partner’s financial dealings aren’t so profitable and you understand why. The decent thing would be to sit your partner down and gently coax them into making some changes. If your approach would be more authoritarian, then things will only take a turn for the worse.
- Learn how to step back and understand that your constructive criticism or opinionated comments aren’t required in certain situations. Maybe your partner’s trying to solve any conflicts on their own. So, the only decent thing to do in this situation is to give them a little space.
7. Avoid Clinging On To The Past
The sanctity of a relationship majorly depends upon how much interpersonal trust there is. If a past relationship has been laid to rest, it should be long gone and forgotten. Do not indulge in discussions regarding your partner’s romantic history. The past should be left in the past and you should be looking on to the future with a brand new perspective. Digging into your partner’s dating history when they’ve been nothing but faithful;
- This shows that you have an unhealthy relationship dynamic fueled by possessiveness
- Implies that you don’t entirely trust your partner
- This indicates that you lack the maturity to understand how dating works
- Shows that you’re extremely nosey and want to dig grudges out of thin air
- Can surely disappoint your partner and lead to resentment
8. Therapy’s Never Off The Table
As close as you and your partner might be, some matters require external assistance. Couple’s therapy is a medium that has worked for countless couples and continues to be a trusted source of comfort for couples in trouble. If both partners are mutually agreed; then conducting a few sessions sounds like a pretty great idea. The important thing to remember is that you’re mature enough to understand the essentiality of couple’s therapy. Some couples continue to attend monthly sessions even after resolving their conflicts. It’s a safe space where you can communicate the things you’ve never even been able to communicate and finally land on a verdict with your partner. The issues may vary but some commonly addressed issues are; grief, cheating, lack of communication, lack of sexual intimacy, habitual lying, etc.
Is there anything that we’ve all learned from romantic relationships, it’s that, it’s not going to work until both parties want it to work. Thus, you can’t really make things “happy go lucky” until efforts are being made from both ends. Thus we heavily insist upon following rule number 4 at the earliest. It is important to know that your partner wants to follow through with each rule without any exceptions. If your relationship’s floating through calamities, do let us know if following any of these rules made things better for you!